Sunday, May 10, 2015

Life // Amplified + Overwhelmed

Ah .
Nearly a year gone by .
And what a year .
What a complete whirlwind .
What a complete wonder .
The wonder of life + all that it entails, particularly in regards to this recent role of motherhood .

Not so, so recent, after all, as my sweet boy approaches a year and a half in only two weeks .
But recent in regards to my life as a whole .
As one long spectrum, continuum of time .

And where does my heart begin to express the whirlwind + wonder that is motherhood ?

Just as the time before I was called Mama, there remains the same life feelings of joy + excitement, discovery + contentment, understanding + curiosity, frustration + unrest, sadness + disappointment . All of these feelings are still here . The motivation that drives progress + the comparison that occasionally stunts it is still here . None of these feelings are void when motherhood rolls around .

The thing motherhood has done, however, has A M P L I F I E D them all .


Motherhood is such an incredibly overwhelming concept for me . And just recently did I began to see that this process of amplification is what overwhelms me . But not overwhelmed defined as to "bury or drown beneath a huge mass." And not overwhelm as in "defeat completely" . But motherhood has overwhelmed me, as defined as to "give too much of a thing." Motherhood has overwhelmed, "given too much of a thing", AMPLIFIED abundantly, these many life feelings .

It has AMPLIFIED the joy + excitement of each tiny daily happening, realizing that the small details of life are each so new and compelling to my boy . That no little happening goes unnoticed by him . That no little thing is a dead end to enjoyment or play . The joy and excitement I have seeing HIS joy and excitement in all things is overwhelming .

It has AMPLIFIED the feeling of discovery as he explores and seeks out the world around him . He doesn't wait for time to slow down, or the Earth to stop for a moment so he can catch up to whatever it is that interests him. He is content with what is there + what is happening + what he can discover in any given moment . And his contentment AMPLIFIES my contentment . And it overwhelms .

Feelings of understanding + curiosity are AMPLIFIED when I notice the way his eyes squint as he makes connections here + there + everywhere and does not tire in a world that stimulates his every sense every moment of the day . He is only motivated to be stimulated more . To see more, hear more, feel more, taste more // He doesn't so much care for smells just yet . HA

In the way my small child's mind + heart + body have displayed each of these life feelings, my own feelings are only grown immensely . The feelings of joy + excitement + thrill + discovery + contentment + understanding + curiosity + motivation are all significantly increased with the opportunity to let these feelings and labeled life emotions spill over + out of my own heart and bubble and burst over into my son's . Overwhelming .

I wish it ended there . The amplification of emotions that send your heart soaring + your face glowing in the sunlight of beautiful days gone by . But it does more . Motherhood has also amplified the feelings that are often harder to express . The frustration + unrest, sadness + disappointment, the worries + the comparison that lingers and shades the sun from your eyes . These emotions, too, are not void with the presence of a babe in your arms .

In fact, even the lack of motherhood can bring about these raw emotions and feelings . As overwhelming as motherhood itself can be, the road to motherhood can be just as, even more overwhelming. The road that is more of a struggle than anticipated . The road that doesn't seem to be direct or easy . The road of motherhood that has come to a sudden end with no real rhyme or reason or hope for days ahead . It can be overwhelming . It can be too much of a thing .

In the last year and half, there have been the highest of highs while also the lowest of lows . And motherhood has AMPLIFIED all things + has overwhelmed me in that the feelings are sometimes too much , beyond what I've known before .

I do not believe that any sole moment in my life - even marriage - has grown me as much as becoming a mother has . This thing, motherhood, has so AMPLIFIED my emotions + attitudes + motivations, like none other .

And like no other thing, motherhood, has lead my heart back - time and time again - to the true + original Parent of us all .
Becoming a mother has brought my heart full circle . AMPLIFYING each emotion the Lord has so carefully placed in my heart, and abundantly AMPLIFYING my understanding of His love + His grace + His purposes in me + His incredible creation . And understanding His love + His grace + His purposes in me + His incredible creation + the way that He so fearfully and wonderfully wove each of us together + the way that He knows all of our cares and all of our strengths and all of our faults and all of the hairs on our head - THAT is overwhelming . THAT is too much of a thing . Too much of a good, good thing . But it is real, nonetheless .

The joys + excitements+ discoveries + contentments + understandings + curiosities are amplified as a mother . Seeing my role parenting a child from the perspective of Him, who was our Father first, brings wisdom and direction and peace . Day after day with my son, I am given new eyes to appreciate his innocence and his need to be cared for and taught and shown what is right + good + true . And having fresh eyes + giving grace to my babe in the capacity in which I have been given grace - unending - only brings about more goodness in it all .

The frustrations + unrests, sadness + disappointments, worries + comparisons are amplified as a mother . The feelings we know exist only because we live in a fallen world that has been tainted by sin . These feelings, amplified, bring us right back to the Gospel . These feelings are real, but not without hope . These feelings are real, but the Gospel remembers that Jesus has already overcome the world .

Motherhood amplifies all + overwhelms in a way that pushes beyond me . The whirlwind + the wonder of it all goes beyond me . It is Him . Every bit of being a mother that I have experienced has lead me back to the Gospel, back to the Lord who felt the amplification of love for His children first . Every bit of being a mother that I have experienced has paralleled the Gospel story of being created in love, falling short + unable to save myself, being shown grace upon grace + mercy that triumphs judgement, and being restored + renewed in a story that screams God's glory + not my own .

And so, again, where does my heart begin to express the whirlwind + wonder that is motherhood ?
Begin to express the AMPLIFIED + OVERWHELMING of it all ?

The Gospel .
Is all .
I have .

May this role of motherhood always be a full circle, bringing me from raised hands to my knees, time + time again, always seeking the amplified + overwhelmed heart from He who loved us first, His children, and knows my own heart better than I ever shall .

Thursday, May 15, 2014

#Styleforjustice | Rwanda 2 0 1 4


I have entered a giveaway with Noonday Collection to join them in advocating 
for justice + #Styleforjustice in Rwanda this coming July . 
S O  E X C I T E D .


Noonday Collection is a company that uses fashion to restore dignity to countless women worldwide by giving them employment opportunities and a means to economic stability for themselves + their families . 

Not to mention, Noonday Collection accessories are B E A U T I F U L . 

Take a look at their website + take a look at my written entry to the giveaway, 
which talks a little about my experience at Denver's own Women's Bean Project, 
then V O T E by following the link below !




| You can vote once a day |
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Sunday, March 9, 2014


The period of time before your skills | as an artist / creator / designer / dreamer | have developed enough to catch up with your taste .

And if there is anyone who knows this gap, it is me .
The struggle between the vision + the product .
And oh, the work it takes to close the gap .


The Gap .
The Gap is a short, typographic video in which German designer Daniel Sax ingeniously illustrates the words of Ira Glass concerning "the gap" so many of us have encountered .





















My heart S A N G when I watched this film .

I have almost never watched anything so M E .
So compelling .
So inspiring .
So T R U E .

A nearly inevitable occurrence for the creative souls | hands | minds .
For hours | days | years .

Watch + L O V E .
Watch + N O D .
Watch + K N O W the gap was | is | will be a part of the process .


+

Watch + W O N D E R  what will come when the gap is one day no more .



+ All images via The Gap by Ira Glass .
+ Read more about The Gap H E R E .

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

GIVING | UP

Lent is a season in the Christian church that has traditionally been observed as a period of time in which believers prepare for the series of events leading to our Lord's death and burial and resurrection on Easter Sunday . Oftentimes, Lent involved a commitment of believers to give up certain types of luxuries or habits or doings as a form of penitence .

The Lent season lasts forty days, from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, making note to the forty days Jesus spent fasting in the desert prior to beginning his ministry .

In this time of giving up, I hear Ingrid Michaelson's lighthearted words singing through my head :
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am G I V I N G  U P .

I want to be in the spirit of G I V I N G   U P more often than this Lent season alone .
But it will start here . In Lent . Giving up the little things that prevent me from living with a heart fixed on more than myself . A heart + life fixed on One alone .

And so,






























These notions I have .































These deceptions I too often believe .






























These burdens I bear .


I will be G I V I N G  U P . 

I  G I V E   U P  the need to write about things other people are writing about to feel like what I say matters .

I  G I V E   U P the need to be someone everyone knows in order to be someone . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to read an ebook to learn how to best dress myself .

I  G I V E   U P the need to "find myself."

I  G I V E   U P the need to make my creative endeavors a full time business out of my home . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to fill orders day after day and ship them out day after day . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to meet a quota to feel successful enough . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to have followers | devoted readers | frantic buyers to make me feel like my art is legitimate . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to fill every moment of every day with checking items off my to.do list . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to Instagram my coffee mug in my hand or my shoes on the ground in order to begin a day . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to attend certain conferences and network in order to feel like a creatively minded follower of Christ . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to be discouraged for being who I am and not being who someone else is . 

I  G I V E   U P the need to use my talents to make a profit .

I  G I V E   U P the need to follow a calling that isn't mine .
































Not to lose . But to find . Starting now, in this season of Lent + beyond . 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

# C H O R D P r o j e c t

Since I wrote about gaining a sense of 

in this coming year, 
I have been thinking heavily on the different components that make up this thing I call my life . 

Everything that goes into everyday that makes it what it is . 
And makes it what I love .

The family piece, as different as FAMILY looks to me this year than even last year . Family entails the wife piece + the mama piece now . Then there is the friend piece . The work piece . The home piece . The where.will.home.be.next piece . The creative piece . The adventure piece . The hobby piece . The God piece . The what.was.I.created.to.do.with.my.life piece .

How do all of these pieces fit together, work together, fit well, and work well ? In a rhythmic manner ?

Music has always resonated with me . The feelings evoked in a song's rhythms + chords . The lyrical artistry involved + how words not even from my own lips can feel so personal and real to me at particular times in my life . Music is relevant and is able to relate to people across the ages, varying in styles and tempos and instruments implemented .

As an orchestra has many instruments working together to create oneness .

This oneness created in musical means comes not only from the song's rhythm in its entirety, but in each singlethat is played .

Ais a grouping composed of different notes sounded together in a manner of agreement, resulting in a pleasing sound to the ear . A sense, too, of oneness .

My hope is that the pieces of my life come together in the same way . That my interests and passions and beliefs and travels and abilities and strengths and people around me would all orchestrate together happily to create oneness.


One beautiful.
.


A is intentional . An intentional, thoughtful combination of keys played simultaneously ; Each note having purpose and being integral to the chord as a whole .


Not aimlessly running ones hand down the the length of a piano in hopes that the sounds turn out right .



A L L T H I S T O S A Y :


As I prepared to celebrate another new year of life a few weeks ago, I decided to use this next year to put together a collective, if you will, a book of varying thoughts to ring out anthems of my musings and mind matter at this particular point in my life journey .


A  , if you will .


Much of the inspiration behind this CHORD project comes from my love for writing + journaling + mixed media art, comprised of the many papers and fabrics and verbiage and miscellaneous remnants of things past being used once more to create something new + brilliantly beautiful .


And along the way, there have been catalysts as well .

And who, you may ask, has most inspired me with her truthful words and questions + her real, messy, raw, and resourceful artwork ?
Her name would be Sabrina Ward Harrison .

And if you know her work, you will be smiling right now .

If you don't know her work, you will in a moment + you will see a glimpse into my vision behind my
project .





I will be using what I have + what I know to create art that reflects none other than me . And my life + my thoughts + my feelings . Being real + messy + raw + resourceful + speaking both what is true + what I question .

I know not every in this life will come out sounded in perfect harmony . There will be wrong notes and missed keys + I suppose that is what makes the right seem so right .


So here is to an artful endeavor to create a book.like collection of all that is me . My life . My thoughts . My creative outpouring . For this coming year .



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